I eased into the vinyl chair, the scent of chemicals floating around me as tiny tools whirred faintly in the background. I handed the bottle of my carefully selected colour (Tickle Me Turquoise) to the nail technician. “Oh, I like this one. Beautiful colour!” she said. I nodded, smiling in agreement, and dipped my hand into the glass dish of water she had set on the desk.

Little did I know, my manicure session would soon become an engaging afternoon of people-watching. I witnessed some tricky interactions between the salon workers and customers that really got me thinking about the different ways that people communicate their needs, and about what is effective and what is not.

The first customer was seated next to me. She kept huffing and sighing – audibly and frequently enough that I took notice. Moments later, she abruptly left her seat and walked to the front desk.“I’m not paying for this. My nails are too short now, and I can’t do anything with them.”

The salon owner looked to the nail tech and back at the customer, apologized, and acquiesced. She left without paying and her nails halfway done.

How difficult would it have been to be explicit about how short she’d have liked her nails to be filed in the first place? I watched her sit there and huff as they were filed down but not stopping the nail tech at any point. People aren’t mind readers; you have to speak up to get what you want. Although she huffed and puffed to insinuate that she was not happy, her passive aggressive style didn’t get her what she wanted. Being assertive and communicating directly would have saved this woman a great deal of time and frustration.

One thing I’d like to point out is that, like many nail salons, the owners here are not native English speakers. Imagine what it’s like to be in a country filled with people who don’t speak your language. I bet it’s stressful. So I figure, why shouldn’t they be able to talk in their native tongue?

The next customer did not agree.

She was seated on the opposing wall behind me, getting a pedicure. Loudly, she complained:

“I KNOW you’re talking about my feet, and I don’t know what you’re saying, and I don’t like it. Can you stop talking in a language I don’t understand? I feel like I’m being mocked.”

At least this woman knew how to speak up, though her aggressiveness felt unnecessary. Chances are, they said nothing about her feet. And there were plenty of better ways to deal with the situation. She might have tried engaging the nail tech in conversation, or even asking nicely that she stop talking in a foreign language. Speaking up is important, but maintaining composure is important, too! Tactful communication can truly make or break an interaction – or even a relationship.

Personally, I hate it when the edges of my nails are jagged. There have been times when my manicure was rushed, and I walked away with nails that constantly caught on fabric. That drives me nuts! Which is why, when I went this last time, I was very clear about what I wanted.

“Could you please make sure to get the edges perfectly smooth? I’d appreciate it.”

And you know what? When I walked out of that salon, my manicure was exactly how I wanted it.

Generally, it is possible to find the right time to express your needs, and to do so with the right wording and tone. It takes being conscious of your timing, and as tactful and clear in your request as you can. I don’t always get it right, but I did that day – and my flawless nails are proof!

How does tactful communication (or lack thereof) affect your work? Think bully bosses, abrasive managers, and demanding stakeholders – as opposed to cooperative co-workers, thoughtful leaders, and appreciative clients.

I hope it’s the latter for you.